You're here... what happened? In the beginning of your relationship you were totally in love, laughing at each others jokes, finding each other crazy sexy and couldn't wait to create your future together. Maybe your story didn't go quite like that, but close to it. So what happened?
At that early time, if you were to rate your relationship between 0-10, chances are you were a 9 or 10. If you were to rate it today, what would you say? If you're here, exploring couples work, chances are it's a 3 or less. It is possible to bring it back to a 9 or 10? Absolutely! Is it the same steaminess of a new relationship? No. Is it better? More real? Yes. In our relationships, most of us desire to be loved, (even revered), honored, respected and supported.
Imagine a relationship where you can discuss your differences without a verbal smackdown or silence/avoidance. A relationship where there's no need to be right. Or, how about a relationship without passive aggressiveness? Imagine a relationship without being controlled or the need to be controlling. It's all possible, yet not without work. Maybe you grew up in a family who didn't model great relational skills...that's okay, most of us didn't. The good news is you can change that legacy, starting today. Setting the intention to be better, to do better is a great step. The next would be contact me, or another professional who will provide you with the tools and skills as well as overcome roadblocks.
My work is a weaving of skills as well as leaning into our family of origin, which can often be the origins of our 'less than helpful' relational dance. Our early lives are where most of us receive the modeling of how we show up in our relationships. (much of which is less than helpful) Sometimes pointing it out and learning something different is enough to shift the tide. There are times however, where deeper work is necessary to understand our family connection and how to break the cycle. The family of origin work I use is based on the work of Pia Mellody as well as my relational guru, Jan Bergstrom. Together, Jan and I co-facilitate women's and men's intensives called "Healing our Core Issues". While there is no magic pill, the majority of participants experiences leaps of growth, both with the self and their external relationships.
Please email or call me, we can have a thoughtful conversation about how I might be of help to you.
What can you expect in the stages of Couples work?
Couples Intake and Assessment - 3 sessions
Understanding your story and relational dance.
Strategic plan for your relational recovery.
Couples Stabilization - Weekly 90 minute sessions over 8+ weeks
You will learn and implement what you can do (or not do) that will put your relationship in a more relaxed, respectful state.
Solve the mystery of what is at the base of your seemingly incurable patterns of frustration, anger and disappointment.
In-between sessions reading and exercises can be expected
Duration of this phase varies on the couples commitment to work between sessions.
The Couple does the heavier lifting - 2 hr sessions 2x month
As you progress, our sessions will be less frequent. The REAL work is in-between sessions where you begin to successfully address the stressors that occur. You won't do it perfectly, however you will have a good awareness of where you went wrong. We will work on these things out and understand where you're stuck. New concepts and relational work will be added to enhance the positive trajectory of your new, loving, respectful relationship.
You are on a great path, things are looking and going GREAT! Just like a new commitment to be physically fit or a new diet, it takes a commitment to change. This is no different. It is natural to take our foot off the "let's put out the fire" pedal when our stress levels settle. DO NOT take your foot off the gas pedal. It takes time to build new relational muscle. Your progress will most likely experience relational atrophy if you stop here. Keep the monthly sessions going until absolutely feel you can't imagine that you existed they way you were living before.
Let's check in - Sessions two or three times a year can keep you more accountable.