Sex and porn addiction is unfortunately, an exploding problem, yet it is so isolating for both the addict and their partners. For the partner, it's the discovery (D-Day), followed by deep devastation, betrayal, fear, anger... you name it. If there's an emotion... partners are experiencing it on a visceral level. Laura has completed her training with APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. Laura is a CPC, Certified Partner Coach.
After the discovery...the world stops spinning, and yet at the same time, it's spinning at 100MPH. Everything you knew to be true has now been turned upside down and nothing feels safe, even your feelings may not feel safe. Working with someone who specializes in partners of sex addicts you can be sure you will be understood, heard and provided with a healing environment in which you are able to begin navigating the road a head.
Previous models held the parter as a 'co-addict' somehow holding culpability in the actions of the SA. Let me be clear, you didn't cause it. You can't control it... and you can't cure it. What you can do, right now, is to begin taking care of yourself, attending to your shattered heart.
Please contact me, don't ride this out alone.
What can you expect to be getting from this work?
- Self-care/Safety/Stabilization/Support (emotional, mental and physical well-being)
- Grounding/Trigger Management (dealing with strong emotions)
- Establishing Boundaries and Enforcing Consequences (boundaries you can enforce with or without his cooperation, to say “this is not okay”)
- Disclosure Preparation and Aftercare
- Values (to live the life you want to live the best you can amidst chaos)
- Reframing/Stinkin’ Thinkin’ (countering the negative self-talk and self-defeating beliefs)
- Detachment (not distancing, not being uncaring, but putting a buffer between our well-being and the addict’s behavior)
- Responding to Gaslighting and other forms of Emotional Manipulation (how to opt out)
- Addiction Education (not to excuse his behaviors, but to help you understand this isn’t about you)
- What to expect from the SA’s Recovery (timeline, phases, withdrawal, dealing with slips and relapses)
- What’s my role in the SA’s Recovery? (how to support him while meeting your own needs)
- Hallmarks of a Healthy Recovery (how to tell if his recovery is sincere)
- Communication Skills (end the circular conversations that go nowhere)
- Conflict Resolution (use of various tools, such as time-outs, for more peaceful resolution)
- Anger Management (practical strategies to keep yourself from “losing it”)
- Rebuilding Trust (what he can do to rebuild trust, the tools it takes to help you trust again)
- Rebuilding Intimacy (beginning with emotional safety, and ONLY when YOU’RE ready)
- Therapeutic Separation Management (using in-home and out-of-home separations, and healthy emotional detachment to explore your future together)
- Self-Compassion (giving yourself a break, and some soothing, when you feel you’re not doing well… because you deserve it… this is HARD stuff!)
This list has been adopted from my esteemed APSAT Coach colleague, Laura Williams of Crossway Coaching.